


Solitude

by naupathiac



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, KarNep - Freeform, NepKat, Sadstuck, karkat x nepeta, katnep - Freeform, nepeta x karkat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-16
Updated: 2013-05-16
Packaged: 2017-12-12 01:11:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/805415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naupathiac/pseuds/naupathiac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If anything you were the Rogue, dishonest and unprincipled as compared to her naivety and trust.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Solitude

'You're what, Karcat? What are you?'

In the entrance of a particularly large cave stood two trolls, weapons unsheathed but not aimed to truly hurt the other. Hands shaking, paws quaking, the scythe and pairs of claws wouldn't dare harm the person they were pointed to; hurting a counterpart would be like hurting themselves. Nepeta pressed her lips together, the feel of them searing hot against each other. Her lips were closed, but she could not take back any of this conversation. Once it was said it was sealed, and no Hero of Time could undo this timeline's events. The lioness' face felt like it was burning, as if she had stepped outside and was rotting away like the many zombies that roam during the sunlight hours, terrorising and killing and dying like she had done so many times to beasts and foes, but never like this. Never. 

Although Nepeta felt like she wanted to cry and throw her tablet at the troll in front of her, she also wanted him to kiss her. She wanted to believe that this was all a joke, that the day she had woken up to was just a cruelly elaborate joke played by a horribly mean someone; unfortunately she was aware Karkat would never joke about something this serious, and it would be a great disservice to him if she pretended otherwise. All of the stories haphazardly scrawled on her walls, images hidden or on display, mirrored what left the lips of her partner and after they did she was empty. For the first time since she could remember, everything dropped: her facade, expression, and animatronic tail. He hung his head, and Nepeta shook her head, opening her mouth and looking back up to her pitymate, reaching for words she could not find. He began the conversation again before she could continue.

'Sorry.'

With that one word Nepeta lifted her fists up, claws retracting once the overwhelming shock subsided, and Karkat shrunk back. What he had expected was a rough blow from the paws that fought alongside a stalwart muscular enthusiast. However, what he was given was not a punch to send him sprawling into piles of sugar but several thumps on the chest by shaking paws and the pitiful sound of sniffling.  
Pitiful.

'Are you really?' 

Her words mirrored his own thoughts. Was he? With each word, spat out accusingly, her closed appendaged weakly raised and lowered itself.   
It was almost scary how they had connected over the sweep they had mutually been in this flushed quadrant. He couldn't feel the impact of her pain, and that in itself was chilling. It was like they were made for each other, yet here he was. 

'...No.'

Pushing her away. Turning his back on her. Failing her. Just like he always did.  
That one monosyllabic word greatly affected Nepeta, as he knew it would. Her curled up hands stopped thudding against his ribcage, and she simply laid there. Her ear was against his sternum, probably listening to the sound of his heart like they did those countless nights in their recuperacoon.  
Those times she was completely vulnerable and pressed up to his body in a way to display her incredible amount of affection. Now she was vulnerable in her weakness, nuzzling almost desperately into him in a silent sign of despair. He put his arms around her and she almost vibrated, harshly forcing herself from his comforting grip. If he looked closely he could see liquid olive threatening to bubble down her cheeks, held only by stubborn will and a need to resist showing weakness. She was always like that, wasn't she? She was so strong, and Karkat was so weak in comparison. It was sickening, and he wished she would lower her guard and show him the real her, not revert back to her public face.   
Nepeta took a step back from the turtlenecked troll, nearly tripping over her coat in the hastiness of the action. Her hand brushed up against one of the areas of contact they had had, where he had embraced her, and she flinched.

'N-No, stop.'

And so he did.  
Her lips were almost grey with the force of them being pursed together. She barely moved, a quick shake of the head and butterfly veined eyelids softly closing as if she could captchalogue and physically store a mind's picture in her sylladex. 

'I...I understand. I knew that this would be short-lived. You pity her, not me, and that's okay! Maybe... Maybe you feel more than pity fur her, and that is alright too.' The lioness clutched at her chest, her bloodpusher aching with every halfhearted beat it took. 'You'll make her happy, won't you? Karca-- Karkat had made AC the happiest meowbeast efur! And she hopes with efurrything she has that that love will spurread to one of her dearest comrades in crime! She will be the luckiest, bestest legislacerator around, and with you by her side you'll both be the most wonderfur duo this world has efur seen! This glorious pouncellor assures it!' A grin too wide to be considered natural was flashed at the mutantblood, a deep, staggering breath taken when they held gazes for a brief moment.  
Then she turned and walked away.  
Her tail swished with her movement, furry blue sneakers scuffing on the floor. She never looked back, and soon all she was was a pinprick among the gargantuan white cubes. After another minute Karkat's acute vision couldn't spot her among the saccharine mountains.  
She was.  
Gone.

\--

Your face was stoic in outward appearance as you silently stood in the spot where mere moments ago her lithe body was cradled against your fragile (furagile) carcass.  
You are a Knight of Blood, and your class and aspect suited you well. You protected (purrtected) the intense emotional connection you and Nepeta Leijon had with little to no effort (effurt no stop thinking of her),   
but you were the biggest fucking fool on Alternia  
for letting someone like her   
wholeheartedly believe that someone like you  
was worth her unimaginable depths of something far surpassing standard tropes of romance.

Then again, isn't that how you were too? The norm in conciliatory and concupiscent quadrants was ingrained in your thinkpan since you were a sniveling, cherry-red grub, and yet you decided to go above and beyond, when attention was meant to be diverted from freaks like yourself, and feel something fuller and richer for a razor-edged troll that may not ever fully reciprocate what you have for her back to you.   
It was stupid. YOU were stupid.   
You were always one to fuck things up, no matter what you said or did in life. You wouldn't have minded this much if it only ruined your own life. You had to drag your former (furmer no no it's not working she's everywhere you look) matesprit down with you.   
(She's in the walls, in the blood imps shed, in efurry fanged smile and drop of food and flush of gr33n gr33n gr33n.) 

You were gross. (You could nefur be!)   
You were the bane of everyone's existence. (You've saved so so so much more than you have hurt, and that is furry admewrable!)   
You've toyed with the being who had done nothing but unconditionally care for (fur) you. (...) 

Your name is Karcat Vantas, and your filthy, worthless self DESERVED to be alone.


End file.
